If this were a self-help book, I'd have to discuss the power of positive self-talk and creating an uplifting internal narrative—and perhaps you should consider it. The issue is that when you're trapped in a negative mindset, the last thing you want to hear is “think positive,” “chin up,” “pull your socks up,” or “smile.” When you're feeling low, those words are enough to make you want to grab an axe and take it out on the overly cheery self-help expert.
Another problem with this approach is that many of those “successful” people—coached so thoroughly in positive self-talk that they believe they’re the best on earth—often turn out to be shallow, miserable inside, and unpleasant company. In my view, they embody a self-serving and ultimately trivial version of humanity. At least, that’s how I feel when I'm in a negative state and have no desire for their advice, especially when I'm overtired.
It’s really about balance. You don’t want to drown in too much negative self-talk, so recognizing and becoming meta-cognitive—essentially thinking about your thinking—is crucial. Noticing your internal dialogue, analyzing it, challenging it, and then perhaps incorporating some positive self-talk can help build belief and confidence, and overall, lead to a calmer state of mind.
Rather than forcing positive self-talk in front of a mirror, it might be more effective to practice observing your thoughts—both positive and negative—as they pass through your mind and deciding how to handle them.
Positive self-talk aimed at insomniacs can be incredibly maddening. When people who haven’t truly struggled with insomnia suggest that thinking positively about sleep and your surroundings will help you sleep, they miss the mark completely.
So, why is our internal dialogue so important, whether we’re insomniacs or simply human? That’s an excellent question that just popped up in my mind.
Our thoughts directly control our emotions and feelings, which in turn trigger chemical reactions in the brain. These reactions send signals throughout the body, altering our physiological state. This is why we can feel joy radiate through our entire being or sink into sadness. For instance, a first kiss can light up your body with a rush of chemicals, making you glow, while sad news can make you feel physically achy and down, visibly changing your demeanor.
Consider this: when you watch a comedy, you feel joyous and laugh; when you watch a horror film, your body tense up and you become jumpy; and a sad movie will draw out the tears. I’m not suggesting you should avoid any type of film, but it's important to recognize that what your brain focuses on can change your mood, emotions, and even your chemical state.
The danger is that your body can become addicted to these chemical states just like it can become hooked on substances like narcotics, nicotine, or caffeine. When your body gets used to a negative chemical state fueled by negative thoughts, it starts seeking out any situation that confirms that bleak narrative. This creates a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle.
For insomniacs, this is particularly concerning since it can lead to other addictions. For example, you might discover you finally get a good night’s sleep after drinking a bottle of wine, taking narcotics, or relying on sleeping pills. What begins as a temporary solution can quickly develop into a dependency where you convince yourself, “I can’t sleep unless I drink a bottle of wine every night.” On the flip side, you might become addicted to caffeine, nicotine, or energy drinks because you tell yourself that you can’t function in the morning without them due to your insomnia.
In this way, insomnia becomes our excuse—our internal narrative that justifies relying on external stimuli to alter our internal chemical state.
Our internal narrative is crucial because it governs our emotional and physiological well-being. Deep down, we already understand that our thoughts wield this power. We experience a constant stream of thoughts, yet we rarely discuss it for fear of sounding unstable, as if we’re admitting to hearing voices. Instead, we do everything we can to avoid these internal voices, opting to distract ourselves by watching television, getting caught up in endless soap operas, listening to emotive music, scrolling through social media, and so on.
We’re so engrossed in diverting ourselves from reality that a recent report noted social media networks are most active during peak television hours—with people Facebooking, tweeting, and even dancing along with the shows. This is worrisome to me. I imagine entire families sitting in the living room, absorbed in their screens, engaging with social media instead of each other. They’re so busy dodging their thoughts that they miss genuine human interaction. What makes matters worse is that these media platforms often reinforce a negative self-image by bombarding us with images of how we “should” look, what we “should” buy, and how our lives “should” be if we ever hope to achieve true happiness.
Ultimately, this becomes a vicious cycle. Deep down, we all crave an escape from the beast that fuels our negative self-image, yet we continuously feed it without realizing the damage it causes.
